Reclaiming Wholeness: Disconnection as a Trauma Response

When we see someone who is closed off in relationships, it is obvious. Their arms cross over their chest. Their posture is dejected or turned away. Their eyes are not connecting with yours.


Disconnection is Harmful


When we are feeling disconnected with others, we often feel as if it is our fault. Yet some people are not willing to connect or join us in the way we want, and oftentimes that says more about them than anything about us our our relationship with them.


Helpers and healers often are the go-getters in relationships. They are often the ones that seek connection, not sought after. They can come in contact with narcissistic personliaties that are often seeking only for self-gain, and that as helpers and healers we can get caught up in a toxic relationship where our needs are not met or acknowledged.


Our Bodies Don't Lie


When you feel not acknowledged, how does it feel? Where does it resonate in your body?


Our bodies are the storehouses of trauma. We often live our lives repeating the patterns--sometimes traumatic patterns--we are taught at a very young age. Hence- if we find ourselves in toxic relationships where we are the giver and not the receiver, pehaps we are reliving an old script that we were given at a young age: "your needs don't matter" or "you have to help others for love/attention/affirmation" "you're not good enough if you don't put your needs last."


Notice Those Voices


When we address our inner voices, we are given the opportunity to rewrite that script. When we choose to address the traumatic painful past memories, where we felt dejected and rejected, we heal.


Healing Takes Time and Is Possible


We can give ourselves the option to shelve those past patterns and choose new ones. Life is short and relationships are meant to be fulfilling, not draining. When we healers and helpers decide to put boundaries around ourselves and what kind of love we want in our lives, we get a chance to live into our inherent wholeness and live into that fulfilling life we need and deserve.


In wholeness,

Allie



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Allie Kochert, MA, LPC, Psychotherapist

Rooted Growth Counseling, LLC

York, PA

717-910-3453

allie@rootedgrowthcounseling.sprucecare.com

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