I often hear from high-achieving clients that reaching out to get support is one of the hardest parts of it all. We are often shamed by our thoughts--"I should be able to shake this feeling" "I should try harder" "It's not that bad" "I don't have the time or energy for (healthy practice)".
When we reject offers for help and support, we are engaging in a type of self-harm. We are moving away from what could be healing for us, and instead embracing a toxic model of "I have to do this alone."
We are not meant to do life alone. We humans are built for connecting with others. From birth, our brains have "mirror neurons" that reflect back our facial expressions and help us connect and reflect our often difficult human experiences. This is where empathy and love are fostered.
Connection Is Essential to Mental Health
Ask yourself this: What do I want out of my life?
Like, really want?
That if you were 90 years old, reflecting back on your life, if you didn't have, you'd feel regret?
Perhaps it is less stress. Perhaps it is more time with friends. Perhaps it is more freedom in your schedule.
What Our Brains Do Matters
When we are feeling low, or stressed, our brains narrow in our perspective, make us think that there is less opportunity for love, connection and potential. It is part of our brains stress response that helps us survive difficult situations. It is not adaptive for a lifetime, though.
We Can Hack Our Brains
We need to hack our brain's system by reconnecting with what matters to us. Yet, it takes serious effort when we're feeling crappy. Perhaps we don't have the support system we want, where do you start? Perhaps you don't have the freedom in your career you desire, so where do you start?
Be Honest With Yourself
When we are at a crossroads and become honest in our lives, we need wise and loving and safe spaces. This could be a trusted counselor, or safe, healthy friends, or other loved ones. I recommend therapists or spiritual care practitioners to be wonderful sources of support and affimraiton.
When we intuit, we are using an ancient system in our brains that have our safety and security wellbeing as its central purpose. Our "gut" feelings are related to this system that protects us from harm, in an unconscious way. When we "know for sure" something, we intuit what is best for us. Often that intuition is spot on, when it comes to our growth path.
Trust yourself and your intuition. When you know that something is right for you, it doesn't mean it is easy. Perhaps it is the hardest thing that you've been avoiding. Yet you know on some deep level it will create the life of abundance and connection you truly want. ON the other hand, when you know something is wrong, it is like alarm bells. Perhaps you can think about that future 90 year old. Doesn't she deserve health and happiness?